I’m broken when I’m lonesome

I’m broken when I’m lonesome - Evanescence

Without apologising for no recent posts, this time I'm going to go straight into this blog entry. I've been playing around with makeup looks i could use for my FMP. For it, I've decided to create a new collection for Illamasqua, I've looked at all aspects of the company, and looked to see how they could gain more customers. I still feel that Illamasqua is a hidden gem, and although their numbers are ever growing, there not nearly as well known as MAC or NARS, which is funny because Illamasqua is so much more creative than any of them.
This FMP is such a headache, It's been just over a month now since my Grandad passed away, and I tend to never talk about my emotions. Some people think i do, but when I share my emotions, that's really only just scrapping the surface. I think this makeup look sums up how i feel right now, although I have a layer of white skin on, the cracks just show a whole new level, it's my barrier, and my emotions are usually under lock and key.
Because of this loss, my creativity seems to have completely gone recently, and I haven't known what to do with myself, or where to channel it. I thought back on my previous work, and I think the reason why I've done so well, isn't because I'm a talented graphic or fashion designer, or great photographer or makeup artist, it's because everything i do is an art piece, they were all extensions of how I feel. I mean, Vanity Nightmare, my actual unit was basically a visual diary. I'm trying to now use my emotions once more to push this unit further than any other, it's harder because unlike other units, this is more based around a real life situation, I'm working to a brief.
And yes this entry is most likely one of the longest I've ever done, and it's not because I wanted to write for ages, it was because I just needed to say these things. I've always thought my biggest regret in life was not talking about my feelings, or going to a physiatrist, but really I'm glad I didn't, because I've turned a negative into a positive, and that's exactly what i need to do now.
The moral of this entry? Blessings come in many forms, sometimes things happen for a reason, and sometimes they don't. Either way everything that comes at you in life will just lead you on another road. It's like playing a board game, although you may find yourself going on a different route to your opponent, your still always reach the end, you just may not necessarily come 1st.